all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
