I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
