so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
