Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
