There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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