Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
