Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
