the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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