I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
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