well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
