How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Randomize
