Why are handjobs necessary in class?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
In America we eat man semen.
she smelled like a LAN party
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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