hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
