my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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