Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
