The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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