how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
