Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
