Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think I sprained my soul last night
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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