Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
