There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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