I accidentally burped into my bong.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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