I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
