I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
