She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
