I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
