id be glad to
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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