32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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