he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
