That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
