new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
