Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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