ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
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watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
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They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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