I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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