lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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