i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
