we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
