I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
