I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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