So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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