you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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