I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize