the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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