That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
