god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
