her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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