Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
