I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
