it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
