uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
where am i from again
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
