i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
