I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
