Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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