But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
