So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize