We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
