Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just invented taco cereal.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Im part way to drunk.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
