She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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