So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
