Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
