He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
