How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize